Friday, October 28, 2011

Top 3 Things I've Learned About Relating to Guys {Part 1}

It can be tricky. Lots of girls make mistakes... which can lead to scars that last a lifetime. Or, on a smaller scale, at least a whole lot of avoidable confusion and misunderstandings. Because, let's face it: guys are different than girls, and relating to them is different than relating to girl friends. Which is part of what can make these relationships so rewarding, especially in the long term [as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers]. But it can also make it tricky sometimes... particularly in the long-term relationships, but also in the casual friendships and basic interactions. So, since I'm guessing guys will continue to play a big role in our lives basically forever, why not ask women who have gone before us to share some of what they have learned over their life times?

"More Sensitive Than the Stereotype"
...Relating to Guys According to the Expert

Some things I have learned about guys up close... (having 2 brothers, 1 dad, 1 husband, 4 sons, and 7 grandsons- quite a lot of experience!)
1. Guys are wonderfully different from girls (same is true about girls being wonderfully different etc.) They explore the world differently. And are generally more eager to take physical risks.
2. Guys are way more tender than they are purported to be. That was a real eye opener for me. Learned that as a mother of boys.  I think they just don't show it as much (part of cultural conditioning).
3. I have learned how really supportive guys can be in so many ways. Encouraging when you might be unsure or afraid.
ALSO: (Because 3 is just too few... 4. My guys all love big. As dads they have been really involved with their children in amazing ways. And they don't give up. That's huge in my book. 5. Not a guy thing- a human thing: They love and need to be appreciated.)

"He Does Care, He Just Doesn't Have to Repeat it 50 Times" 
...Relating to Guys According to the Mother of Grown Sons
1. Males can box their feelings. Where we as females can re-run our thoughts or feelings over and over in our minds, they can put them aside and move on.  They don't seem to dwell on their thoughts as most of us females do, which makes us feel they don't care; in fact, they do… he just does not have the need to repeat it 50 times.
2. Communication differs. Again, they said it once, done; we say it a few more times because we either don't think we have been heard or we need to convince have seen the cartoon about how many words it takes a woman to say something vs. a man, well there is some truth to that.
 (Now while on communication, here's the big one for this generation: friends of mine who have daughters get phone calls, emails, text messages constantly… those of us who have sons can't even get a response back in the same day.... cell phone calls get ignored, emails totally ignored ... sometimes text message may get a faster response but with few words...that is a major difference we are seeing with the 20 and 30-somethings…even those who have older sons ... that's why we want to pick our daughter in laws!!!)
3. When it comes to males vs. females there are distinct [practical] differences, that I can attest to. A couple of things that stand out:
You want to talk laundry, well let's just say most males don't see color...our sons both came home from college with gray t-shirts… all those years I spent separating darks and white? Well, that was for me only.  They really don't seem to mind all-one-color t-shirts. Solution: don't buy white! They would never feel you needed to waste time on doing two loads of laundry when one would do.

The empty gas tank. That may be youth or may be ‘let's see how far we can get on fumes,’ but filling up a gas tank when the red light is screaming… not an issue until they can coast into the gas station.

Packing for travel: a book bag or carry on can work for a male for 3-6 weeks in Europe: two pairs of everything is pair of shoes, one jacket… a toothbrush and toothpaste, done. They don't need the cosmetics, hair products, accessories that we do to make it anywhere.

They may not be able to remember any dates of importance, like parents anniversaries, birthdays, etc…but they never forget the score of any special sporting event that they saw years ago.
Well, hope this helps give a little insight on this wonderful could not  find a better compliment for a woman no matter what the differences are...

"Meet Mr Fix-It"
 ...Relating to Guys According to the Woman on the Field
1. Guys like “side-by-side” activities.  They just want you there.  You could be just sitting in the boat while they fish, riding in the golf cart while they play, or sitting on the couch watching football together.  It doesn’t feel like much to us because we want communication, but to them it’s great.
2. Guys are created for respect. Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." They need love too of course, but they need respect and will not deal well with anyone who does not respect them.  Even at my sons ages (9 and 11) respect is important to them.
3. Guys like to “fix things”.  Sometimes that’s great when they want to fix your broken bike, but sometimes it can be hard when they want to fix something more ethereal.  A lot of times I may just want to vent about something and don’t really want or need my husband to solve a problem for me. His response is to give me solutions in order to fix things.
ALSO: (I’m sure you’ve heard this from someone, but just in case you haven’t I’ll share it as it is so true.  When it comes to dealing with life men are like waffles and women like a plate of spaghetti.  They are able to compartmentalize the different areas of their lives.  You pour the syrup on a waffle and it can be contained inside all those little squares.  Women’s lives are not like that.  When you put sauce over a plate of pasta it touches all the strands at the same time and all the strands are tangled up with one another.  

We are so different! Yet we were created to complement one another.  When we allow Him to, God can use a union between us to ultimately glorify Him.)

Check back for Part 2 in this series coming up soon...


  1. This is a great post....brilliant idea to seek the wisdom of experience. I cannot wait for the next installments.

  2. I would add to the first posting by the expert, number one , that they are willing to take risks of all kinds ! :):):)

  3. this was such a great post! I'm always excited to hear from those who have experience, especially about guys cause sometimes they seem pretty hard to figure out