Evaluating A Suitor - Thoughts to Consider from an Older Sister

{by Katrina Rebsch}

As those of you who follow this blog might know, God has recently brought into my life a most amazing young man and we are engaged to be married!  Words cannot even begin to describe the sheer joy that has characterized this new season of love and discovery with the one for whom I have been waiting and praying all these years. 

In recent weeks, I received an email from the mother of some good friends who asked me to consider writing for the benefit of other girls what I’ve learned when it comes to evaluating a potential suitor; questions to ask to get to know him, and qualities to look for in his life.  While I am certainly no expert on the matter of guy-girl relationships, I have had quite a bit of experience this past year and a half with the evaluation process as various “interested” young men have entered and exited my life.

What I hope to do in this article is simply share what I have learned along the way and give some older-sister encouragement to those of you who are still waiting for your own Prince Charming.

Before we even get to the guy however, let’s talk about you, the girl!

Thought to Ponder #1 - God is the Author of the Best Love Stories Ever! 

Marriage, love, romance, sacrifice - these are all His ideas and His inventions.  Novelists and screen-writers don’t even come close to capturing the breath-taking beauty of a true love story scripted by the Creator of the universe.  I enjoy reading a sweet romance or watching a wholesome chick flick as much as any girl, but no human can come close to writing a story like God can!  So the question is, are you committed to His story for your life, or your own? 

I have seen what can happen when a young lady grows desperate and takes matters into her own hands, running after anyone who will notice her and throwing values to the wind as she seeks immediate gratification on her quest for love and attention.  There is great sorrow and heartache.  Manipulating people and circumstances to try to write one’s own love story is not the way to happily ever after.  Only when the pen is yielded to God and fulfillment sought in Him is true joy experienced.  But of course, happiness is not the goal; glorifying the Lord is!  And He is glorified when we are satisfied in Him, yielded and obedient to His will, and content to wait for His timing in the romance department. 

Thought to Ponder #2 - Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

I know we live in an instant-oatmeal society where words like ‘patience’ and ‘waiting’ are not very popular.  However, the Bible is full of admonitions to wait on the Lord!  His way is perfect and His timing is best!  When I was much younger, I would often hear older girls talk about how their beloved was worth the wait and I would think to myself, “I hope I can say that one day!” 

The years passed.  Life was full and rich...and lonely at times.  Lonely for a guy.  Lonely for someone to belong to, for someone to raise a family with, for someone to grow old with.  Would there ever be someone?  Would I ever get married?  Would he really be worth the wait?

I am now 26 years old and by God’s grace can truly, whole-heartedly, without a shadow of a doubt proclaim, “YES, YES, YES!!!  This man whom God has brought me HAS been worth the wait!”  He is everything I ever prayed for and so much more.  Had I rushed ahead of God’s timing or settled for the first guy who came along, I would have missed out on the indescribable beauty and wonder of this relationship with Nathan Britton, who is without question, the best and most perfect man for me!

I’m not saying that in every situation the first guy who comes along is an unwise choice; many times he could very well be God’s will!  I’m simply wanting to encourage you to be careful and not fall for the first one just because he is the first one!  Evaluate wisely, be on guard against premature infatuation, and be willing to wait on the Lord’s timing!

Thought to Ponder #3 - Princes Need Prayer!

Guess what?  If it’s in God’s plan for you to get married, your future husbands are alive right now.  Your own Prince Charming exists.  Somewhere.  Out there.  You may not know his name or his face or anything about him.  Regardless, he needs your prayer! So pray for him!  Pray for his protection, for his moral uprightness, for his relationship with the Lord.  Pray for God to build His character into the life of your man.  Pray for him to be a strong leader and to stand firm against temptation.  By praying for him even now, you are “doing him good all the days of [your] life.” (Proverbs 31:12)  I prayed for my future husband for many, many years before I met him this past January.  What’s so amazing to me is to see every quality I ever prayed for him evident in his life.  

Okay.  Now that we’ve got a foundation established for us girls, let’s talk about the guys.  When someone comes along who is interested in you, what questions should you ask?  What qualities should you look for?

Questions to Ask a Potential Suitor:

On matters of faith/practice:

•  Is he a Christian? 
•  What is his salvation testimony?  (Pay close attention here!  Is it story about him and what he did to “be saved”, or about Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross?)
•  Does he read the Word regularly? 
•  Is he part of a local body of believers?  What kind of church is he involved with? 
•  Does he have sound doctrinal beliefs that match up to your own?  (There are many “stripes” of Christianity out there; is he of the same stripe as you?)
•  Does he love the Lord and actively pursue a more intimate knowledge of the Savior?
•  Does he know why he believes what he believes?
•  Is he living in obedience to the Word of God?
•  Is he involved in any ministries?

On matters of character:

•   Does he honor his authorities (and yours)?
•   Is he honest?
•   What does he believe about lying?
•   Does he walk in moral uprightness?  (You will want the help of your father or pastor to help ask detailed questions along these lines.)
•   Is he a gentleman?
•   Is he kind to others or only to the girl he is trying to impress?
•   How does he treat children, those with special needs, and the elderly?
•   Is he a leader?
•   Does he have direction and purpose in life?
•   What is he passionate about?
•   Is he easily offended?  Does he carry grudges?
•   Is he humble and teachable or proud and know-it-all?
•   Is he a man of integrity?
•   What makes him angry? What brings him joy?
•   What is his definition of love?
•   Does he manifest the quality of self-control and self-discipline?
•   What are his strengths?  What are his weaknesses?

On matters of family life:

•   What does he believe about guy-girl relationships?
•   Why does he want to get married?
•   What does he believe about the roles of husbands and wives in a marriage relationship?
•   What are his beliefs about children, family planning, birth control, etc.?
•   How does he view his future position as spiritual leader of the home?
•   What does he believe about the discipleship of his children?
•   What does he desire regarding the education of his children?
•   What does he think about adoption?

On matters of lifestyle and personal standards:

•   What are his music convictions/preferences/tastes?
•   What are his standards regarding movies and media?
•   What does he think about clothing/women’s dress/modesty, etc.?
•   What does he want his future home life to look like?
•   What does he think about video games/computer games/the internet?  (Are there any addictions there?)
•   What are his beliefs about alcohol?
•   What are his beliefs about dancing?
•   What kind of books does he enjoy reading?
•   How does he handle finances?

I am sure there are many, many more questions that could be added to these lists!  These are just some ideas to get you started.  As you ask these questions, be evaluating how the answers line up with your own beliefs and values.  Parental wisdom and input is invaluable in the evaluation process as well!  However, you are the one who might be marrying this guy, so you need to know if the two of you are likeminded enough in all the essential, non-negotiable areas.  Some of these areas will be areas of preference vs. conviction.  It is very helpful to determine ahead of time what are unchanging convictions for you and what are areas in which you can be more flexible if the fellow believes differently.

When it comes to the qualities to look for in a potential husband, I found it very helpful to narrow down my list to three main, essential aspects:

1.  A man of God
2.  A man of character
3.  A man whom I can respect and follow

The definitions of these bullet points will be different for different people and wrapped up in these points is the obvious need for likemindedness. 

In the evaluation process, however, please remember that no guy wants the unrealistic expectation that he will be perfect in every way.  And by perfect, I mean sinless and incapable of making mistakes.  If you have these expectations sandwiched around an impossible list of qualities he must fulfill you might find yourself an old maid forever.  There must be room for grace and understanding that the man God has for you is going to be human!  However, that is not to say we should compromise beliefs and convictions just to get any guy!  There must be balance between waiting for God’s best while at the same time being willing to join your life with a fellow imperfect human.

There is so much more that could be said about guy-girl relationships, but my goal was not to write an exhaustive article on the topic.  I simply wanted to share some things I’ve learned along the journey and some thoughts to ponder when those suitors come knocking! 

Remember - this is only the rest of your life that is at stake!  Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and rest assured that He shall bring it to pass!  Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. (Psalm 37:5, Psalm 27:14)

Here’s to joyfully ever after for the glory of God!!!

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New Year, New... You?

{by Rachel Coker}

Every time the year rolls to an end, I start to thinking. Call it making resolutions, or planning changes, but it usually involves resolving to be a better person. This is the year I am going to work out. Like every single day. Or stop procrastinating (I am just now realizing the irony of putting this off as a New Year’s Resolution). Or memorize an entire book of the Bible. I always set out with the absolute best of intentions. I tell myself that I can do this. With enough resolve and determination, I know that I will succeed!

Obviously this year started out the same way. Me pumping myself up to do this or that. Getting ready to make some permanent changes. To finally bite the bullet and work at it. But you know what happened? Nothing, that’s what. I’ve already messed up on all of my resolutions to be a better person. And it’s only three weeks into the New Year!

I was sitting on my bed yesterday and I just about had a breakdown. I had started this year out with so many hopes and expectations, none of which had come true. I wasn’t a better sister, or daughter, or a happier person. I was still the disgruntled, imperfect sixteen-year-old I’d been three weeks ago. No matter how hard I tried, I just failed over and over again. My attempts just weren’t good enough.

While I was wallowing in my own self-pity, I realized something very important: I am never going to make myself a better person. At first I wanted to smack myself in the forehead and let out a: “Duh!”, but then the truth of that statement sunk in. The reason why my attempts at self-improvement are always failing is because I am a sinful human being whose heart is bent toward the worse, not the better. No matter how much my head wants to be sweet and loving, my sin nature wants to be rebellious and dishonest.

It kind of hurt to admit that. To come to a point where I could really grasp that all my hopes for improvement were in vain, if I didn’t have the ability to make them come true. I had to get to a place where I stopped looking to myself for all the answers, and started looking to God.

Our sermon at church last Sunday was on Jeremiah 18. God is the potter, we are the clay. In Jeremiah 18:6, the Lord says to Israel, “Look, as clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand.” It’s the same for me. My life is in the hands of God. It doesn’t matter how much I try to squeeze myself and mold myself into a certain shape, I won’t be able to change until I cry out to God. Only then will He take me and shape me, making me into the woman He wants me to be. And it will probably hurt, as His fingers prod the clay and take away the defects, smoothing out all the lumps and mistakes. But the end result will be beautiful. So much more so than anything I could have done myself. Because it will be His will for me. God will form me according to His plans for my life in 2012.

So does that mean I’m done with the crazy fad dieting and exercising that comes along with trying to be a better person? Well, maybe not. But I do know this: I want 2012 to be the year that I start trusting in the Lord to make me a better person. I want it to be the year that I remember as the time in my life where God met me on my knees, and turned my life around. The year when my number one focus was Him, and Him alone. I know that changes don’t happen overnight, and that the Lord moves in mysterious ways, but my prayer is for Him to move in my life this year. And then, no matter what trials or triumphs might come along, I’ll honestly be able to say that 2012 was a successful year.

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The Time of Your Life Or, Bossy Tourist Syndrome

{by Samantha Roose}
It’s been almost two weeks.  And again Philippians 4:4-5 is put on my heart.  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 

I’ve been telling the Lord that I will rejoice and asking Him to make me more gentle toward my sisters, but still, every morning as I write prayers to my Lord and Savior this verse faithfully pops into my mind and I feel compelled to write it down.   So this morning I asked…

Lord how do you want me to rejoice?

And He told me…

“I want you to be SO happy that I am here that you let go and sit back for the ride.  I want you to enjoy and laugh and delight in life!

Relax and ENJOY life while I steer and maneuver for you.  There’s so much I want to show you along the way if you’ll let me.  You’re being like a bossy tourist. You have things you want to see and accomplish and a timeline.  This is an adventure of your life time and you don’t want to miss a thing but you don’t know what’s best to see or the way to go.  I, on the other hand, know the land inside and out.  I know more history tid-bits than any other tour guide.  Better yet, I know what will interest you most, what you will appreciate later down the road and what you want to see.  And of course, I know your timelines better than you.  In fact, I’ve been planning this trip from beginning to end since before you were born.  I even know the best places to eat and relax along the way.

So let Me lead.  Just as you knew where people should go when they came to visit you in Germany but they were always set on seeing Neuschwanstein, so I know all the best places.”

Five years ago my family and I lived in Germany for 5 year (this was one of the blessings resulting from my father’s 23 year long career of protecting my rights and the rights of the American people!).  We often had friends come and visit us and of course they wanted to see the legendary castle which inspired the Disney palace.  Touring this magnificent castle was an ALL day affair which entailed a  five hour drive there AND back, climbing a mountain, walking across the highest bridge I have ever seen (scared me to DEATH!) and of course a tour of the palace itself and a neighboring palace where the young prince grew up.  Finally we would arrive home late and exhausted.

I can recall many a night discussing with my sisters how much better we could have used that time.  Not that we didn’t enjoy the luxurious palace, truth be known it’s now one of our fondest memories from Germany, but we knew there were more valuable things to see like salt mines, Joan of Arc’s home, medieval fests, volksmarches (translated: people walk)...  We knew there were more valuable things to do with our time and that would probably be enjoyed more by everyone.

Using this example, which was very tangible for me, the Lord was teaching me that I was being like our guests—not rude but knowing what we want to see and not willing to see what is truly valuable or necessary. So, instead of enjoying the tour I choose He’s been begging me, each morning, for several weeks to rejoice in the tour He has for me—on His timeline!

Since this particular morning it has been a journey learning to let Him be my tour guide on His timeline and taking His routes.  I’m by no means a master tourist but I’m learning and looking forward to what God has to show me as I let Him lead!

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Cinderella Goes to the White House: Seeking God's Heart in Singleness

{by Beth Pedison Gibson}

My first day of work at the White House turned out to be the annual staff Christmas party.  It was a magical evening.

Because I had spent the preceding few days “dressed in rags” unpacking what seemed like hundreds of boxes after moving into a tiny two-room apartment on Capitol Hill, I truly felt like Cinderella going to the ball. 

On that evening, the White House sparkled.  The President’s own Marine band played Christmas tunes.  The State Dining Room table overflowed with every delicacy imaginable.  Waiters served eggnog on silver trays. 

 

A line formed for guests to greet the President and Mrs. Bush. When it was my turn, I stepped forward. Before the military officers could announce me, Mrs. Bush said, "Beth, you’re here!”  She introduced me to President Bush saying, "She’s one of my new writers—no, she’s one of your new writers." 

I said, "This is my first day at work." 

The President joked, "Oh, this is just a typical day at the White House."  We chatted for another minute, and then the President and Mrs. Bush both said, "Well, we’re glad to have you here, Beth."

The photographer took our picture and I moved on, completely aglow.  Later, as I took a taxi home, I tried to re-live every moment of an almost perfect day. 

But I do remember thinking, “This was an amazing day, but it would be nice to share it with someone.”

I have thought about what I most want to share with you.  Because many of you reading this are single, and because I didn’t marry until my mid-30s, I decided I wanted to share some of my thoughts on being a single Christian woman in today’s world.  

It’s hard!  While people today – inside and outside the church – seem to be more accepting of singles than ever before, being single can still be lonely. 

God did say, “It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  While I don’t interpret this as a promise that God will make a mate for every person, it does acknowledge what many of us feel so deeply. 

However, Paul wrote in the New Testament, “Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)  

 

How do we reconcile these statements?  I believe both are true.  It’s difficult to be alone, but we shouldn’t marry for the sake of being married because marriage does bring a new set of challenges. And we certainly should not seek a marriage when it’s clearly outside of God’s will for us. 

I have noticed another seeming disparity in what many Christian leaders teach about how (or if) Christians should go about seeking a mate.  Many whom I respect say we should pray, have faith, and then take a completely passive role, waiting for God to bring the person He has to us.  And many can share personal stories of how God has done this.

Other Christians whom I also respect have expressed a different philosophy that goes something like this:  “If you wanted a job, you would pray and have faith about it.  But you would also send out resumes, network, and use resources available to find a job.  So why would we treat dating differently?”  They tell us that if you want to find a mate, pray and seek God’s will.  But also consider becoming involved with Christian singles ministries, websites, and other networking.

I could never decide which camp I was in.  So at different times, I alternated between the two.  But when I finally met my prince, Ken, I realized that you do first and foremost have to pray without ceasing and believe.  You can take some reasonable steps to put yourself in situations where you could meet someone God has for you.   But ultimately, it is a miracle when you find someone you fall in love with and want to marry, and he feels the same way about you, and it is clearly God’s will.  

What I’ve learned since being single is that this time (however long or short it is) does help prepare you for what’s ahead – marriage, children, and later, even the loss of loved ones.    All of these difficult “times of transition” require heavy doses of prayer, faith, seeking God’s will, and acting accordingly.  

While many people (Christians and others) may share helpful insights and advice, only God knows every detail and nuance of your circumstance and what His perfect will is for you.   If we learn to seek Him with all our hearts and listen to His still small voice while being single, we will be better prepared to see and embrace all God has in store for us. 

I encourage you -- whatever your circumstance – with God’s words:  “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:13

Much Love, 

Beth

((read more of Beth's story here and here))

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First Dates and Faith During Change: The Story Continues

{by Beth Pedison Gibson}

Hello again, dear readers,

Last month, I started telling you about an exciting job interview I had with Mrs. Laura Bush at the White House in 2002.  I had planned on living in Texas for the rest of my life, until that interview... 

Background

The background of the interview was that a college friend who had previously worked for the Bushes told me about the open position.  She offered to deliver my resume and writing samples to her contacts.  I thought I should at least see what would happen. 

Over the next two months, I was asked to write and send more speeches and samples of my work.  As I worked hard to provide what the White House staff wanted, I felt God moving inside me.  I can see now that He was opening my heart to the possibility of moving across the country, and that He was preparing me for what was ahead.   

At the time though, I just thought it was a huge long shot.  Then I was invited to interview with Mrs. Bush, which I’ll tell you more about later.   After that interview, Mrs. Bush’s office sent my information over to the West Wing.  Two weeks later, I got a phone call from a Special Assistant to the President, asking if I would come to work on one of the President Bush’s writing teams, helping write his messages, proclamations, and correspondence. 

By that time, God had prepared me, and I was able to readily accept the offer, pack all my belongings, and move to Washington in about three weeks.  I started my White House job that December.  

What was ahead?

Not much after that, I met my husband, Ken, in Washington. [Pictured is Beth and Ken on their first date together].  After many years of being single back in Texas, meeting Ken in Washington was certainly confirmation that I had made the right choice to move. 

Even the way we met seemed God-ordained.   We met in a coffee shop called “Bread and Chocolate” on Capitol Hill.   We talked for more than an hour and exchanged phone numbers.  One of Ken’s questions, (which he says he wouldn’t normally ask people), was, “Have you found a church here yet?”   Because I hadn’t met many Christians in my short time in Washington, I was surprised to be asked.  Then I was truly surprised to find out that Ken and I were members of the same denomination and that we shared many other beliefs as well.   (Ken is also incredibly handsome and intelligent too, lest you think it was only our spiritual similarities that caught my attention. :)) But walking away from that coffee shop, I knew that something monumental had just happened.   After a whirlwind courtship, we were engaged and married the next year.

A few short years after that, I got another phone call that changed my life.  It was my doctor’s office saying I was pregnant, likely with twins.  So in 2008, Ken and I welcomed two beautiful babies into the world, Katherine and Jack.  Then one year after that, we moved from Washington, D.C. to a small town in Virginia called Gloucester.

Observations so far

Because I’ve had so many recent changes in my life, I searched the Bible and found that transitional moments are often times that God speaks to people very clearly.  

And I noticed that God often calls people to physically move – or at least to move way out of their comfort zones when He’s about to do something big.  A few obvious examples: Moses being called to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt; Ruth leaving her homeland with her mother-in-law Naomi; and the disciples leaving their jobs and families and to become followers of Christ. 

So, when we’re embarking on a time of change, I think we have to ask God what He would like to do in us and through us during this time.  I’ve also seen that, as Christian women, we can greatly learn from each other about how to walk through these major transitions with love and grace. 

We’ll talk more transitions next time, and I’ll share more of my story.   But one thing I’ve learned for sure:  Life is a series of transitions.   If we can learn to go through them with faith and obedience, we can grow closer to Him and see some of His purposes and joys revealed here on earth.  

Until next time –

          Beth Gibson

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The Beginning of a Story: Abram Moments

{by Beth Pedison Gibson}

I was driving home from a long day of work one fall evening.  I was single then and enjoying a comfortable life in Dallas.  I had fabulous family, church, friends, and job, all nearby. I had never considered leaving Texas...

While driving home that day, I decided to check my voicemail.   I listened in disbelief as I heard, “Beth, this is Andi.  I wondered if you’re still interested in our position at the White House, and if you would be able to meet with Mrs. Bush on Monday? Please call me.”  

I was so excited that I almost drove off the road.

First thing the next morning, I called Andi back.  I tried to say matter-of-factly:  “I would be free to come to the White House on Monday.” After a quick conversation, I made the arrangements with her assistant, who told me to be at the Northeast gate at 11:45 Monday morning.

When I arrived at the White House that Monday, I tried to catch the attention of the Secret Service agent in the guard stand.  I told him I was there for an interview and gave my name.  He checked his computer, and let me in.  After a long security process, the agent said, “Good luck on your job interview.  You can just walk up that way toward the East Wing and go on inside.”  

I looked ahead, and there was a portico that I had seen in countless pictures.  It all seemed so familiar, yet unreal.  I walked inside, and the agent at the front desk told me to wait in the First Ladies’ receiving room.  

I was surrounded by solid dark paneled walls covered with huge paintings of former first ladies.  I sat staring at those paintings for 30 minutes.   I prayed and took several deep breaths to slow my heart rate down.  I knew that many, many people back in Texas were praying for me at that moment, and I could feel their prayers.

Then suddenly, an assistant appeared.  Within seconds, I was walking into an office and standing in front of Laura Bush.   Three of her senior staffers stood around her.

Mrs. Bush was instantly warm and welcoming.  She had clearly read my background because she asked, “Do you still have family back in Marshall, Texas?”   

All I could think of to say was, “Um, yes, they’re still there.”  And then smile dumbly. 

We all sat down. I nervously perched on the edge of my chair, while Mrs. Bush sat back on a sofa next to me, and the others rounded out the circle.  Before I had put my purse down, Mrs. Bush said, “Well, Beth, why don’t you tell us more about yourself?”  

Times of Transition

So, dear readers, I’m Beth Pedison Gibson.   I’m honored to have the chance to share some of my journey with you over the next few months on this blog, and I hope to hear back from you about your stories and experiences.       

Today, I want to start our conversation about those pivotal moments in life that usher in major transitions.   They are often dramatic times, as Abram’s was when God called him to an unknown land. 

They can be happy, like the news you’ve just been accepted into a school or program, or that you’ve just gotten a new job, or even that someone wonderful wants to marry you.   These moments can also be sad – like the conversation that ends a relationship, tells you of a serious diagnosis, or that you’re losing a job.  

Regardless, you can know it’s an “Abram moment” when you realize that your life will probably never be the same again.   

I believe that God can mightily use those moments for His purposes and for our own good -- if we actively seek His guidance and are obedient to Him.

Abram was.  Genesis 12 tells us:  “The Lord had said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you' ... So Abram went, as the Lord had told him.”

Because of Abram’s faith and obedience, God’s purposes were accomplished, and a great nation was born. 

On a much smaller note, I’ll share more of my own story next time, and what God had in store for me.     


Read Beth's bio in the Contributor's Section 

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Decision Making and the Will of God {Part 2}

{by Katrina Rebsch}

Keeping in mind that prayer is the foundation, here is my decision making filter:

The Word of God

            The Holy Spirit

                        Authorities (and/or a Multitude of Counsel)

                                    Confirming Circumstances

Let me explain. 

Usually to even start passing through the filter, the decision to be made is triggered by a desire, an interest, or an opportunity.  For example, when I graduated from high school, I had the desire to experience life on the foreign mission field.  A couple months later, I read a prayer letter from a missionary family in Peru that our church supported asking for a young lady to come live with them to assist with the homeschooling of their children as well as other ministries they were involved with.  As I began praying about this opportunity that seemed to fit with my goals and desires so closely, I also began to seek direction from God’s Word.  Verses that He gave me in connection to this decision were written down in my journal.  “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”  (Psalm 119:105) 

I also asked for peace from the Holy Spirit to know if this was truly His will.  The Holy Spirit works in conjunction with our spirit in different ways.  Sometimes it’s through a gut instinct, an inward red flag that can’t be ignored, an unsettled feeling, a deep sense of peace, or words He actually speaks into your thoughts.  “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” (Romans 8:14)

Of course, my parents were very much involved in this decision.  I greatly value their counsel and wisdom when it comes to understanding the will of God for my life, and while they do not make decisions for me, their blessing or lack thereof holds great weight for me.  As an unmarried woman, I am under their authority, and as we noted above, God’s will is for us to submit to our earthly authorities.  As we prayed about this opportunity in Peru, my parents sent many questions to the missionary family, sought counsel from trusted advisors, and eventually gave me their stamp of approval.  “Honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise.” (Ephesians 6:2)  “In the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)

In the example of this decision about the opportunity in Peru, as the decision was passed through this filter, all the lights proved to be green.  God had given me verses in His Word providing direction, there was peace from the Holy Spirit, and my authorities had given their blessing.  When all the lights are green like this, I then ask the Lord for circumstances that confirm His will.  Depending on the situation, these might be financial provisions, job applications that are accepted, open or closed doors, etc.  He has always been faithful to give this confirmation!

It’s a simple process really.  What does God’s Word say?  What does the Holy Spirit say?  What do my authorities say?  Are the circumstances favorable?

By way of another example, a couple of years ago, I learned of a staff opening at the crisis pregnancy center where I had been volunteering for several years.  My mom was actually the one who asked me if I had thought about applying for the position.  I told her no and shared my reasons with her.  When she mentioned that she thought I’d be perfect for the job, it got me thinking that perhaps my reasons weren’t show-stoppers after all and that I should at least pray about it.  It was a big decision since my commitment there would be for at least a year.  Once again, the decision making filter proved invaluable! 

• The Word of God (check)
• The Holy Spirit’s leading (check)
• Authorities (check)
• Confirming Circumstances (check - my application was accepted and I got the job!)

On the flip side, this decision making filter saved me from marriage to the wrong man!  According to the clear leading of the Lord, I had enrolled in missionary language school for a year to study Spanish full time and prepare for future mission work in Latin America.  On day three of my new life on campus I was completely swept off my feet by a Godly, dashing young man from Ecuador.  As we began to get to know one another, we really felt like God was leading us together.  We prayed and fasted and sought His will.  I believed I received verses from God’s Word, initially there was peace, and our authorities were all in approval, albeit my parents had some initial misgivings.  But then, things started to change.  The Holy Spirit led me to see major concerns and red flags that initially I did not recognize.  Trusted friends called me with concerns of their own and as I sought further counsel, every person I spoke with had legitimate issues to point out and reasons for believing that this relationship was not the best.  In the end, we recognized that we just weren’t compatible for marriage and that it was best to call things off.

My friends, God is so faithful!  When we earnestly desire to know and do His will, He is not going to hide it from us!  He will honor the one who seeks Him.

Sometimes, I think we overcomplicate God’s will or succumb to fears that we might miss it, such that it handicaps us from doing anything!  That’s why I love the passage in Acts 16:6-7.  Speaking of Paul and his band of merry men, it says, “Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach in Asia, after that they were come to Mysia, they assayed to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit suffered them not.”  Paul didn’t passively sit around waiting for visions all the time to know where to go and what to do.  He took initiative traveling from city to city preaching the Gospel.  Occasionally, there were times when the Holy Spirit needed to forbid him to preach in certain places or closed the doors when necessary in order to direct Paul’s steps as He saw fit.

So don’t be afraid to take some initiative and “knock” on some doors to see if they might lead to God’s will!  God can always stop you from going in a certain direction if He needs to.

Back to our hypothetical example of you getting ready to complete your degree and wondering what to do next.  My first piece of advice is: examine your interests, desires, and/or the opportunities God has set before you.  You were created to do specific good works which God has before ordained!  And I personally believe He often tailors these good works to the person He has created you to be.

Do you want to teach English as a second language in China?  Design a class for homeschoolers?  Pursue a master’s degree?  Get a job and sponsor an orphan child in a foreign country?  Gain experience in a certain field?  Minister to children or widows or orphans or young ladies? 

Once you figure out your desires or recognize some open doors that might be before you, run your decisions through this handy filter.

• What does God’s Word say?
• What does the Holy Spirit say?
• What do your parents or authorities say?
• What circumstances do you see as confirming this next step?

Of course, pray, pray, pray!  God is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him!

I know this article has grown long, but perhaps you’ll allow me to share one more thought in closing.  As exciting as it is to receive answers to our prayers and to have God’s specific will for our lives revealed to us, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be easy to obey.  I know it’s God’s will for me to be here in Bolivia ministering to children at the orphanage where I am living.  But when I signed up for this job, I had no idea it would include so many hardships, homesickness, and even Hepatitis A.  Many times, God’s will includes suffering or refining for purposes much higher than our own.

In everything, though, He is faithful and His will is worth pursuing!

“The world passeth away and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever.” 

(I John 2:17)

[[check out Decision Making and the Will of God {Part 1} if you missed it]]

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