A Severe Mercy

{By Taylor Eckel}

No book had ever made me cry. When I read A Severe Mercy, I wept.

Although the story centers around the life of Vanauken and Davy, the themes in the book transcend their personal story, and even their lives. From the beginning of their relationship, the Vanaukens deliberately cultivated a very thorough paradigm of love, beauty, truth, and longing for eternity that underwent a major evolution after their individual conversions to Christianity. “We saw self as the ultimate danger to love, which it is; we didn’t see it as the ultimate evil of hell, which it also is,” Vanauken writes about their pre-conversion worldview.

Vanauken’s story is much more philosophical than a typical autobiography, yet his narrative is anything but dry. The eloquent prose reflects his background as a literature professor and an amateur poet. Throughout the book he lapses into the third person to convey his thoughts, abstracting himself from his ideas in a way that allows the readers to easily follow his reasoning. This detached treatment of ideas provides contrast to his personal struggle to internalize those ideas, and ultimately, to surrender himself to God.

A few years into their marriage, the Vaunakens moved to Oxford for Sheldon’s studies. Their time close acquaintance with a group of serious Christians there inspired them to study the faith they had previously rejected. They greatly admired the work of C.S. Lewis, and “on an impulse” Sheldon wrote to Lewis about his struggle to accept Christianity. Their subsequent correspondence was instrumental in Vanauken’s conversion, after which Lewis became a trusted mentor and lifelong friend, and they maintained a lively correspondence even after the Vanaukens returned to America. Many of the letters Sheldon received from C.S. Lewis are interspersed throughout the latter half of the book, and provide Lewis’s characteristic depth of wisdom.

After the Vanaukens returned to America, Sheldon struggled with the realization that their love must be subject to Christ. Early in their relationship and prior to their conversion, the Vanaukens described their love for each other as the Shining Barrier--  “It was our love itself, made strong within” that was their ultimate good and would transcend even death. After their conversion it pained Vanauken to see his wife following Christ above her love for him.

“I didn’t want us to be swallowed up in God,” he wrote, “I wanted holidays from the school of Christ. We should, somehow, be able to have the Shining Barrier intact and follow the King of Glory. I didn’t want to be a saint. Almost none of this did I consciously know– just longings. But for Davy, to live was Christ.”

Vanauken’s struggle is the universal struggle of all Christians attempting to live out Matthew 16:24, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Vanauken’s frank disclosure of his idolatry shocked me. But I was not so shocked by his sentiment, but by the realization that his words resonated with something deep within me. Convicted, I cried over the unsurrendered loves in my own heart.

“God in His ample love embraced our love with, it may be, a sort of tenderness, and we must tread the Way to Him hand in hand,” Vanauken writes. But God did not intend for Sheldon and Davy to tread hand in hand for very long. Recalling Davy’s illness and death, Vanauken writes of himself, “He had had– was having-- all the sorrow there was. And yet, the joy was worth the pain.”

I cried again when I read of the joy in pain, the hope of life everlasting in Christ, and the depths of Vanauken’s devotion to his wife.

Lewis was instrumental in helping Vanauken understand the goodness of God in Davy’s death. The richness of their correspondence after her death– pondering God’s goodness, musing about eternity– was refreshing after the emotional intensity of Vanauken’s loss. The book’s title comes from a letter from Lewis, who described Davy’s death as a “severe mercy” from God.

The strength of Vanauken’s faith is remarkable. He writes, “I cannot escape the impression that Somebody was being very gentle with us. Perhaps she had to die– for me, for our dear love, for God.” Elsewhere he reflects, “...it was for me, despite grief and aloneness, worth it.”

I wept again, praying for a faith that could say– no matter the trials it endured– “it was for me, worth it.”

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Cinderella Goes to the White House: Seeking God's Heart in Singleness

{by Beth Pedison Gibson}

My first day of work at the White House turned out to be the annual staff Christmas party.  It was a magical evening.

Because I had spent the preceding few days “dressed in rags” unpacking what seemed like hundreds of boxes after moving into a tiny two-room apartment on Capitol Hill, I truly felt like Cinderella going to the ball. 

On that evening, the White House sparkled.  The President’s own Marine band played Christmas tunes.  The State Dining Room table overflowed with every delicacy imaginable.  Waiters served eggnog on silver trays. 

 

A line formed for guests to greet the President and Mrs. Bush. When it was my turn, I stepped forward. Before the military officers could announce me, Mrs. Bush said, "Beth, you’re here!”  She introduced me to President Bush saying, "She’s one of my new writers—no, she’s one of your new writers." 

I said, "This is my first day at work." 

The President joked, "Oh, this is just a typical day at the White House."  We chatted for another minute, and then the President and Mrs. Bush both said, "Well, we’re glad to have you here, Beth."

The photographer took our picture and I moved on, completely aglow.  Later, as I took a taxi home, I tried to re-live every moment of an almost perfect day. 

But I do remember thinking, “This was an amazing day, but it would be nice to share it with someone.”

I have thought about what I most want to share with you.  Because many of you reading this are single, and because I didn’t marry until my mid-30s, I decided I wanted to share some of my thoughts on being a single Christian woman in today’s world.  

It’s hard!  While people today – inside and outside the church – seem to be more accepting of singles than ever before, being single can still be lonely. 

God did say, “It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  While I don’t interpret this as a promise that God will make a mate for every person, it does acknowledge what many of us feel so deeply. 

However, Paul wrote in the New Testament, “Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)  

 

How do we reconcile these statements?  I believe both are true.  It’s difficult to be alone, but we shouldn’t marry for the sake of being married because marriage does bring a new set of challenges. And we certainly should not seek a marriage when it’s clearly outside of God’s will for us. 

I have noticed another seeming disparity in what many Christian leaders teach about how (or if) Christians should go about seeking a mate.  Many whom I respect say we should pray, have faith, and then take a completely passive role, waiting for God to bring the person He has to us.  And many can share personal stories of how God has done this.

Other Christians whom I also respect have expressed a different philosophy that goes something like this:  “If you wanted a job, you would pray and have faith about it.  But you would also send out resumes, network, and use resources available to find a job.  So why would we treat dating differently?”  They tell us that if you want to find a mate, pray and seek God’s will.  But also consider becoming involved with Christian singles ministries, websites, and other networking.

I could never decide which camp I was in.  So at different times, I alternated between the two.  But when I finally met my prince, Ken, I realized that you do first and foremost have to pray without ceasing and believe.  You can take some reasonable steps to put yourself in situations where you could meet someone God has for you.   But ultimately, it is a miracle when you find someone you fall in love with and want to marry, and he feels the same way about you, and it is clearly God’s will.  

What I’ve learned since being single is that this time (however long or short it is) does help prepare you for what’s ahead – marriage, children, and later, even the loss of loved ones.    All of these difficult “times of transition” require heavy doses of prayer, faith, seeking God’s will, and acting accordingly.  

While many people (Christians and others) may share helpful insights and advice, only God knows every detail and nuance of your circumstance and what His perfect will is for you.   If we learn to seek Him with all our hearts and listen to His still small voice while being single, we will be better prepared to see and embrace all God has in store for us. 

I encourage you -- whatever your circumstance – with God’s words:  “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:13

Much Love, 

Beth

((read more of Beth's story here and here))

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Puffed Sleeves and Bosom Buddies

{by Rachel Coker}

When I was ten years old, the only thing I wanted out of life was to be Anne Shirley. She had it all. The romantic tale of an orphaned child sent to live with the most wonderful people on the most beautiful place on earth. She had flaming auburn hair (no, not red, never red!) and a spunky personality and…. (sigh) puffed sleeves. And, to top it all off, a lovely bosom buddy and that rogue Gilbert Blythe who, despite his initial teasing, turned out to be the best leading man literature has ever known. (I still don’t know any guys who compare!) This was my ideal, romanticized notion of how life should be. A world of close-knit friendships, dashing young men, and lots of frilly poetry and italics.

My life at ten years old was nothing like that. Anne was always stately and dignified, regardless of the circumstances. My perception of myself couldn’t be any different. I was awkwardly tall. At 5’4 and only ten years old, I towered over all of my peers, male or female. My hair was kinky and frizzy—not quite curly and no longer really straight. I had glasses, pudgy baby fat, and, pretty soon after that, braces.

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Compliments of the King

{By Hailey Sadler}

"You're very pretty."

I’ll admit it - they are nice words to hear. 
In my recent years, I’ve received compliments ranging from absurd to awkward to very sincere. But even some of the funnier ones, not to mention those that were sincerely sweet, have succeeded in making me feel special. Is that wrong? No …unless you come to rely too much on that affirmation for your sense of worth, that is. 

It is easy to fall into, particularly if you are in a relationship with someone but also if you are not. Why is that? Why do we hunger for and depend on affirmation from others so much?


Fabienne Harford published a piece, "Lonely, but Not Rejected," two weeks ago in Relevant, which I think answers that question [I recommend you read the whole article.] She says,

“The problem is that you and I are broken. We are insecure and afraid and we were created to have worth spoken into us by someone outside of ourselves. The thing is though, that Someone else isn’t a human being. There is no person on earth that should have the power to speak into us value or worth in such a way that it secures our identity.” 

Are you looking to someone who is not that Someone to speak value into you? If you are, you cannot be looking to God for your identity – in the same way that being in love with somebody means you wont be looking to start a relationship elsewhere. And He is the only one who can satisfy you. He is the only one who’s affirmation is constant, unchanging, undying, forever. This isn’t to say you can’t receive affirmation from others [of course you can, and it can be wonderful] but it means you cannot seek, as the primary source of your identity, both God and man. Fabienne Harford says it this way,

 “How can you possibly be satisfied by God when the attention of man adds to your value? How can you possibly be satisfied by God when you don’t seek your affirmation and identity in the only God? Why are you treating men like they have the power to give you value through their feeble words when that is a power that belongs to God alone? There is only one Person who can speak worth into you in such a way that it finally begins to fill that aching fear and insecurity.”

She goes on to talk about this topic in the context of singleness… the feelings of loneliness and perceived rejection. It’s true. If you do not have a boyfriend or husband saying sweet things to you, you have to look elsewhere for your affirmation. [Even if you do, a guy's, or even a best girlfriend's, validation of your value is not enough to fully and ultimately satisfy the craving of your heart.] Hopefully, instead of searching to receive it from a variety of different sources, you turn to The Source: the “God of all matter to tell you you matter,” to quote Brad Stein. It’s my opinion that, while obviously relationships are good and a gift from God, loneliness is also a gift; it is an important process of growing, a process of becoming sufficient unto yourself in God. Not in an independent, selfish way. Rather in a dependent way – completely dependent on Him with a capital "H" for your value and worth.  

What are your thoughts on the article and this topic? Has this ever been an issue for you?

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