Guy's Perspective: Beautiful

{By Anonymous}

Taylor Swift. Carrie Underwood. Kate Upton. Kim Kardashian. Colbie Callait. Pop culture produces almost as many airbrushed female celebrities (and apparently a fascination with country stars) as it does terms to describe their physique. Chick. Hot. Doll. Sexy. Nothing short of perfection portrayed or admired. Flaws minimized or surgically addressed. Hundreds of thousands of dollars every year for one person’s outer appearance. Body has become god.

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ This antique cliché rears its head time and again, in every genre of life. But it almost universally accompanies some variable. ‘You really failed that last test at school.’ I need to study harder for the next one. ‘That outfit looks horrendous.’ Note to self: plaid shorts and striped tops do not go together. ‘Holy crap you shoot worse than my grandma.” I can practice kicking with the inside of my good instead of the toe.

‘You’re ugly.’ Suddenly, the variable skipped town. 

I cannot change my body absent unnatural intervention. How am I supposed to change how I look? Do I layer makeup? Do I hide behind designer clothing? How can I solve a problem I was born with? The words that could never hurt me just broke my heart. 

Regardless of the origin, self-inflicted or external, words that cut to the unchangeable core of existence hurt. They scar. They stare blankly, constant reminders of what I wish I could attain, but never will. I don’t live on a bird’s diet. I don’t have a full staff of dressing assistants. I don’t have curves like a Kardashian or hair like Rihanna (though she’s GOT to be close to exhausting the realms of the color palette). I don’t attract guys like flies to honey. I’m not on the cover of People Magazine. I’m me; plain, ordinary me. Unlovely and unloved. What did I do to get stuck with myself in the first place?

Denying the reality of this internal conflict – and of its external results that quickly become far too obvious – would be shallow and inappropriate. The pain, the hurt, the self-deprivation is far too real. I do not write to say the struggle does not exist, I write to say it shouldn’t.

‘Congratulations, writer!’, you say. ‘You have wasted nearly an entire page and five minutes of my time to tell me something that I already know. I know I shouldn’t worship my body. I know I shouldn’t be obsessed with reality. But ‘should’ is not reality. I can’t do it.

To borrow a weakly humorous phrase, ‘nothing is impossible. The word itself includes ‘possible.'' Escape presents a difficult road, but one that promises freedom from bondage to the deity of Body. Accepting who I am and living content in that fact is not a method tried and found wanting, but a lifestyle found publicly difficult and left untried. Do I honestly fool myself enough to believe those airbrushed figurines on magazine covers are happy? Do I honestly believe they have it made? Celebrity marriages do not last an average of three weeks for no reason. After three weeks, the thrill is gone; the emotional high; the searching for meaning. Even in their mansions with ‘friends,’ money and a perfect body, they still feel insecure. Because they wonder what would happen if they ever became less than perfect.

Body is a demanding god. It is also a treacherous one. It demands your entire focus, devotion and life, then abandons. Attachment to such a deity is not service. It is slavery. At the point where we submit to Body, our desires become insatiable. Nothing fulfills us. Perfection remains just one tuck, nip or trim away. Perfection means skipping one more meal, wearing one size smaller waist, weighing one less pound. Perfection never arrives.

You are beautiful for who you are. The bodies of airbrushed stars are just that, airbrushed. Unreal. Contrived. Those celebrities will never maintain their appearance; you shouldn’t try to reach it.

Those entities (the inhuman term used purposely) who call you ugly, who criticize your appearance, who condemn your being, are not worth your time. Don’t maintain friendships with entities who see your physique and nothing more. Their shallowness, their insincerity makes their ‘friendship’ status a liability to you. Lose it.

True friends go deeper than the skin, than the makeup or the designer brands. They see you for who you really are. They see your soul. They see your compassion, your dedication, your love, your being. Individuals truly worthy of your friendship will affirm your beauty, not because of how you look, but because of who you are. Looks change. Being rarely does. Surround yourself with people who love you, with people think you look pretty without your makeup on.         

To those of you who are surrounded by true friends, but refuse to accept yourself for who you are, know that what you think never changes the truth. Culture worships Body. Remind me the last time culture got some life issue right? Oh. Yeah. Never. I urge you to rise above the storm, see yourself in new eyes. See yourself deeper than your skin. Realize all the ones who love you. Believe that you are beautiful. You are.

Ultimately, every single one of us goes to the same place: assisted living wearing diapers (again) rocking open back gowns as top fashion (ICU) and eating all meals in mush form (also a repeat from 70-some years ago). In the final analysis, Body cannot deliver on its promise. It claims to make you beautiful; it only subjects you to unbearable loads. It offers societal acceptance; the ‘society’ that accepts you on the condition of Body is no society worth participation.

You are beautiful for who you are. You are beautiful because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful because your being goes beyond the paltry two millimeters of skin covering your body. You are beautiful for what you feel and how you love. True friends recognize this in you. Best friends affirm it and stand as constant reminders so you never lose sight of who you truly are.

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Don't Be That Girl #2: The Mother Hen

On the other end is a guy pulling his hair
out because she won't stop texting him...

{by Michael Vuke}

If you missed Part 1 of the "Don't Be That Girl" series where Michael warns about the frightening and frumpy Catlady, be sure to check it out here!

Part 2: The Mother Hen

If the Catlady was avoided because she didn’t want to interact with guys, the Mother Hen is the complete opposite. However, this girl is one that most sane men go out of their way to avoid whenever possible. The Mother Hen obsessively clings to her guy friends and constantly pries into their lives and activities. She is over-protective and sensitive about ‘her guys’—don’t say anything remotely bad about one or her wrath will descend upon you. The Mother Hen puts the ‘mothering’ into ‘smothering’. 

How do you know if you are one?  Do you feel left out or slighted if your friends do not tell you every detail of their day? Are you constantly texting your friends with questions like: “Who are you talking to?” “What are you talking about?” “Where are you?” “Who are you with?” Can you describe your relationship with several guys as “a big sister”? If you answered yes to any of these, you may be well on your way to becoming a Mother Hen.

Why do we care?

We already have one mother—we don’t need another. It is frustratingly annoying to constantly be subjected to questions and inquiries; plus, it shows an alarming lack of security on the lady’s part. As with any relationship, we like balanced, mutual conversations where both parties can tell the other one what they want in as much detail as they want—Mother Hen’s turn it into an interrogation. After a while, it starts to feel like a parasitic relationship instead of a friendship. Plus, these are almost impossible to end. You try to cut back, but the Mother Hen just won’t stop. You run away, and she runs beside you. It’s the stuff of nightmares.

Contrast the Mother Hen to the Caring Friend. A Caring Friend wants to know what is happening in your life, and asks. However, they know their boundaries—they aren’t pushy or intrusive; they simply are interested in what happens to you. While they enjoy hanging out with you, a Caring Friend isn’t clingy, and they will never expect you to dedicate all of your time to being with them, or to update them when you are doing something without them. A Mother Hen often times acts the way she does because she is insecure about herself and needs constant stimulation from someone else. A Caring Friend acts the way she does because she cares about what happens to her friends.

How do you keep yourself from becoming a Mother Hen? Comment below!

 

Michael Vuke loves hanging out with friends, but he also likes having quiet time by himself to think and reflect. Whether he is driving down a backroad, making music with friends, or reading a book at home, if an idea hits him, he is known to drop everything and write until he has captured the inspiration. What inspires you? Tweet it out to him @WriteandDream! Michael blogs about what inspires him at michaelvuke.wordpress.com

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Some People Call it Quirky

{by Rachel Coker}

I remember, a few months back, reading a magazine interview on my favorite actress, Zooey Deschanel. (If you don’t know who she is, just picture the most girly, off-beat, amazing actress/singer ever. Oh yeah, you’re thinking. That girl! Yep, you’re right!)

Anyway, the interviewer asked Zooey how she felt about all the buzz she gets on her quirky sense of style. Why does she wear so many skirts and so little leather? The answer she gave surprised me. “I think it’s an annoying word,” she replied, “Quirky is like a nice way of saying weird.”

It made me think back to all the times I have, in the past, been called “quirky” or “unique”. Were all those people just trying to think of a nice way of letting me know I’m weird? Does dressing and behaving in ways that are different qualify me as some kind of freak by today’s standards?

I think the world we live in too often operates by a one-size-fits-all mentality. Go to any public mall or movie theater and you’ll see a lot of people that are just about the same. The same style of jeans. The same branded t-shirts. The same shaggy hair and of-the-moment handbags. A whole lot of sameness. It’s seriously depressing. Throw someone into the equation that doesn’t quite match and suddenly we have someone different. Someone “quirky”. Someone weird.

As someone who has dealt with a lot of criticism in the past for not looking or acting like everyone else, Zooey’s quote was something I could immediately relate to. It’s never nice to feel weird. Sometimes it’s so painful that I feel like I would do almost anything to stop feeling like a loser. I want those popular jeans. That “in” haircut. I want to look and act just like everyone else my age.

But then, I remember a promise from God’s word. Matthew 5:14 tells me that, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.” And it’s so true. As Christians, we are to be lights in the darkness. A spot of color in a sea of gray. Our lives and personalities are meant to starkly stand out against the dreary hopelessness of this world.

I don’t want to be conformed to the patterns of this world. As a daughter of the King, I want to be transformed. Different. “Quirky”, even. I want to go about my everyday life in a way that will make others pause and take notice.

God created each of us with our own stamp of uniqueness. He never meant for us all to operate in the same way. We have different opinions and hopes and dreams. And our lives are meant to reflect that in different ways. We should all be “quirky”, if that means expressing ourselves in individual, God-honoring ways. I don’t think that anything could make our Father happier than seeing a world full of unique, colorful Christians impacting those around them. A whole army of quirky individuals. Marching for the King of Kings.

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::Identity::

{by Mrs. Elaine Ross}

"Jesus loves me this I know."  He loves you also.    

When we realize who we are in Christ, we no longer have to struggle with

peer pressure,

making a place for ourselves,

promoting ourselves,

seeking other's approval,

being in the "know",

being relevant,

being powerful,

…or anything else.  

If we can only realize how much we are loved, we in turn can pass that love on.

[[So put these three things on your to-do list: 1) study the  Scriptures to know who you are 2) do not let others define you and 3) love those around you with a fraction of the Love with which you are loved]]

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Puffed Sleeves and Bosom Buddies

{by Rachel Coker}

When I was ten years old, the only thing I wanted out of life was to be Anne Shirley. She had it all. The romantic tale of an orphaned child sent to live with the most wonderful people on the most beautiful place on earth. She had flaming auburn hair (no, not red, never red!) and a spunky personality and…. (sigh) puffed sleeves. And, to top it all off, a lovely bosom buddy and that rogue Gilbert Blythe who, despite his initial teasing, turned out to be the best leading man literature has ever known. (I still don’t know any guys who compare!) This was my ideal, romanticized notion of how life should be. A world of close-knit friendships, dashing young men, and lots of frilly poetry and italics.

My life at ten years old was nothing like that. Anne was always stately and dignified, regardless of the circumstances. My perception of myself couldn’t be any different. I was awkwardly tall. At 5’4 and only ten years old, I towered over all of my peers, male or female. My hair was kinky and frizzy—not quite curly and no longer really straight. I had glasses, pudgy baby fat, and, pretty soon after that, braces.

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Usefully Inadequate

{by Samantha Roose}

Recently, God has opened the door for me to be able to mentor two other high school girls, who are being homeschooled— dream come true.  I’ve always wanted to be in women’s ministry and have tried to wait patiently for the Lord’s timing, but now that the moment’s “arrived” I feel completely inadequate.

I mentioned my feelings of inability to a friend of mine who is currently a missionary in Belize with her family.  Encouraged by her advice I wanted to share it with you, too:

“I'm glad that God has given you the opportunity to mentor [these young women]. I know it feels hard, but let me give you a bit of advice, as both your friend and a missionary: Don't overstress things. You may feel inadequate or unprepared, but think about Esther. She had to have been scared to approach the king like that, but God did an incredible work through her. He used the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. And, what about Mary? How prepared can a teenager be to give birth to the Son of God!!! As if the teen years aren't emotional enough! :) So don't worry. God WILL equip you to do everything He wants you to do. I know it feels stressful, hard, new, etc., but don't let that get you down. Relax, follow God's lead, laugh a little...you don't have to be God. He's already in you, and He will work through you.”

My dear friend and sister in Christ, knows that I have the tendency to stress about EVERYTHING.  (Laughing and smiling more is also something I am working on.)  Graciously, she reminded me that stressing was NOT part of God’s intentions in allowing me to encourage His daughters.  Rather, it was to use me in my inadequacies.  My very imperfections and lack of knowledge are the exact tools that He wishes to put to use!  And, in those weaknesses He is glorified.

And, I’m so glad I don’t have to be God— I don’t think I could do it very well.  His timing IS perfect after all!

Samantha Roose is the eldest daughter of Ft. Roose, a homeschooling family of 11 children, as well as a dancer, tri-athlete, author, and harpist.  Her favorite hobbies are dancing, eating healthy, exercising, cooking and talking with her best friends—her sisters.  She is passionate about glorifying her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in EVERYTHING that she does. 

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Insecurity, Authenticity, and a One-Size-Fits-All Halo

{by Hailey Sadler}

There are lots of good things to hide behind.

I was very young when I learned this important fact of life. Things like doors, sofas, or rows of clothes in the depths of a closet if you didn’t mind the smothering sensation of choking on the smell of shoes. These things came in handy if hide-and-seek was the name of the game, or you wanted to scare an unsuspecting sister into screeching. [Not that I ever did that; I was a model child.] The funny thing is, I still look around and see there a lot of good things that we use to hide behind. Things like make-up…school work…a packed social life…or spirituality...

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Compliments of the King

{By Hailey Sadler}

"You're very pretty."

I’ll admit it - they are nice words to hear. 
In my recent years, I’ve received compliments ranging from absurd to awkward to very sincere. But even some of the funnier ones, not to mention those that were sincerely sweet, have succeeded in making me feel special. Is that wrong? No …unless you come to rely too much on that affirmation for your sense of worth, that is. 

It is easy to fall into, particularly if you are in a relationship with someone but also if you are not. Why is that? Why do we hunger for and depend on affirmation from others so much?


Fabienne Harford published a piece, "Lonely, but Not Rejected," two weeks ago in Relevant, which I think answers that question [I recommend you read the whole article.] She says,

“The problem is that you and I are broken. We are insecure and afraid and we were created to have worth spoken into us by someone outside of ourselves. The thing is though, that Someone else isn’t a human being. There is no person on earth that should have the power to speak into us value or worth in such a way that it secures our identity.” 

Are you looking to someone who is not that Someone to speak value into you? If you are, you cannot be looking to God for your identity – in the same way that being in love with somebody means you wont be looking to start a relationship elsewhere. And He is the only one who can satisfy you. He is the only one who’s affirmation is constant, unchanging, undying, forever. This isn’t to say you can’t receive affirmation from others [of course you can, and it can be wonderful] but it means you cannot seek, as the primary source of your identity, both God and man. Fabienne Harford says it this way,

 “How can you possibly be satisfied by God when the attention of man adds to your value? How can you possibly be satisfied by God when you don’t seek your affirmation and identity in the only God? Why are you treating men like they have the power to give you value through their feeble words when that is a power that belongs to God alone? There is only one Person who can speak worth into you in such a way that it finally begins to fill that aching fear and insecurity.”

She goes on to talk about this topic in the context of singleness… the feelings of loneliness and perceived rejection. It’s true. If you do not have a boyfriend or husband saying sweet things to you, you have to look elsewhere for your affirmation. [Even if you do, a guy's, or even a best girlfriend's, validation of your value is not enough to fully and ultimately satisfy the craving of your heart.] Hopefully, instead of searching to receive it from a variety of different sources, you turn to The Source: the “God of all matter to tell you you matter,” to quote Brad Stein. It’s my opinion that, while obviously relationships are good and a gift from God, loneliness is also a gift; it is an important process of growing, a process of becoming sufficient unto yourself in God. Not in an independent, selfish way. Rather in a dependent way – completely dependent on Him with a capital "H" for your value and worth.  

What are your thoughts on the article and this topic? Has this ever been an issue for you?

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